I’ve been learning French for about four years now.
I’m still not fluent, and for a long time, that fact made me feel embarrassed. Because we often hear stories of people becoming fluent in a few months, or at least within a year, and it makes you wonder what you’re doing wrong.
But over time, I realised something important:
the way we learn a language has to fit the stage of life we’re in.
I didn’t learn French the same way I learned English, Mandarin, or Japanese. I learned each language at a completely different point in my life, under different circumstances, with different responsibilities. So expecting the same speed or method never really made sense.
This is my honest reflection after four years of learning French — what truly helped me improve, what didn’t work at all, and what I’d do differently if I could start again.
Learning French as an Adult With a Full Life
Before anything else, context matters.
I don’t live in France.
I don’t have native French friends around me.
I see my French teacher once a week.
I have a full-time job, a family, and a child.
I run a YouTube channel alongside everything else.
And on top of that, I still want balance in my life — exercising after work, seeing friends, spending time in nature, and not feeling constantly exhausted.
So at some point, I had to stop asking, “How do people learn French fastest?”
And start asking, “How can I keep learning French without burning out?”
The answer was simple but not obvious:
French had to become part of my lifestyle, not an extra task added to my life.
What Actually Worked
1. Understanding Myself Before Choosing Methods
The most important thing I learned had nothing to do with grammar or vocabulary.
It was understanding myself.
I’m an ENFJ, which means I need learning to feel meaningful and connected to real life. I don’t enjoy studying in isolation for the sake of studying. I want language to lead to communication, connection, and expression.
I also need milestones. That’s why I still take exams from time to time — not because I love tests, but because they help me validate my progress externally. They remind me that I am moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel dramatic day to day.
Once I stopped copying other people’s routines and started building one that suited my personality, everything became lighter.
2. Learning Like a Child Again
Children don’t start with grammar books. They start with listening, repetition, play, and exposure.
So I tried to learn French the same way.
I listened to French music.
I watched YouTube videos in French.
I followed channels like Easy French, where people speak slowly in everyday scenarios — breakfast, daily routines, simple conversations.
I read children’s books, and later books like Le Petit Prince.
Writing came later, and that was okay.
If you can speak first, writing follows naturally. We forget this as adults, but it’s exactly how we learned our first language.
3. The “French-Only” Reset Day
Once every few months, I dedicate a whole day to French only.
No English. No Cantonese. No Mandarin.
I speak, listen, think, and even text in French.
It’s tiring, but that one day does more for me than weeks of scattered study. It forces my brain to live in French, not just study it.
I don’t over-plan it. I choose a day when my energy feels right and go all in.
On that same day, I also reorganise all my learning materials — apps, notes, grammar points, things I find difficult. Whenever I come across grammar I don’t fully understand, I stop and clarify it immediately.
It’s like decluttering my French brain.
4. Using Tools That Fit My Life
I stopped looking for “the best” tools and started looking for tools that fit my energy.
Duolingo is easy, but that’s exactly why it works.
It keeps me connected to French even on low-energy days.
I use DeepL and ChatGPT to check grammar and improve sentence flow when I’m unsure.
I also changed my phone language to French. It didn’t magically improve my French, but it built familiarity.
One thing that really helped was using French navigation while driving. Hearing instructions like “Tournez à droite” or “Prenez la deuxième rue à gauche” made textbook phrases come alive.
5. Journaling About Daily Life
Every week, my French teacher and I talk about the same thing: my daily life, like what I did, what I’m doing, and what I will do.
This simple practice naturally includes past, present, and future tenses.
I also practise this on my own, such as writing or speaking in front of a camera.
Writing helps writing.
Speaking helps speaking.
It’s simple, but incredibly powerful.
6. Visiting France: Real Immersion
Nothing compares to immersion.
I spent seven days in France, and those seven days helped me progress faster than seven months of studying at home.
Being surrounded by French changes how your brain works. You hear how people actually speak, you get used to the rhythm, and at some point, your brain starts thinking in French without effort.
Even my son’s French improved quickly during those trips.
I know travelling isn’t always possible. I couldn’t go this year either. But if you can, even for one week, especially to a smaller town where English isn’t common, the impact is huge.
Think of it as an investment in fluency.
What Didn’t Work
1. Long Nightly Study Sessions
Apart from my planned French-only days, sitting down for an hour every night with a textbook simply didn’t work for me.
After work, I was tired. My child needed attention. Messages kept coming in. And I needed to sleep early to function the next day.
This traditional study method worked when I was a student. It doesn’t fit my life now.
Short, focused learning moments worked far better.
2. Setting Unrealistic Goals
I once set a goal to reach B1 within six months after passing DELF A1. It was unrealistic.
I also tried weekly French vlogs. They took too much time and added pressure instead of joy.
Letting go of these goals wasn’t failure but self-awareness.
When I started setting smaller, realistic goals, I actually enjoyed learning again.
3. Listening Without Subtitles
Listening to native-speed podcasts or films without subtitles didn’t help me much.
French is fast. My brain couldn’t process it.
Subtitles helped me connect sound with meaning. Over time, my listening improved naturally.
Sometimes I even play French podcasts quietly before sleeping, in which the purpose is not to understand everything, but to let my brain absorb the sound.
4. Believing “I’m Not Good at Languages”
This mindset is the most damaging.
The moment you believe you’re not good at languages, you block your own potential.
Everyone is born a communicator. Babies use intuition before words.
There’s a Chinese saying:「是不為也，非不能也。」
It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you don’t try.
My husband says he’s bad at languages, yet he picked up Japanese naturally through video games simply because he loved it.
Passion creates progress.
Final Thoughts
Four years of learning French taught me this:
There is no perfect method.
There is only the method that fits your life.
When learning becomes part of who you are — not something you force — progress follows quietly and naturally.
And sometimes, the slowest path is the one that lasts.
If you’re learning French or any language, and you sometimes feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure whether you’re “doing it right,” you’re not alone.
I share more honest reflections like this — about language learning, mindset shifts, and finding a way that fits real life — in my e-newsletter.
It’s a quiet space where I write a little deeper than I do on social media, and where progress doesn’t need to be fast or perfect.
If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, you’re very welcome to join me.
